Wear Your Life Well

Golden Seams

We didn't get to be this age without facing a least a few crisis of every imaginable kind. You know, those lessons and challenges that life gifts us around finances, betrayal, divorce, sickness, raising a family, death of a loved one or job loss to name a few. Sometimes life just feels like a day-in, day-out endurance test. It's no wonder we often feel fatigued and confused, perhaps even fractured or broken.

In the late 15th century when shogun Ashigkaga Yoshimasa sent a prized and damaged tea bowl back to China to be fixed, it came back held together with ugly metal staples. This inspired the Japanese craftsmen to go on a quest for a new way to mend ceramics.

They developed a method called Kintsugi, where they would aggrandize that which was broken with a lacquer resin sprinkled with powdered gold. The Japanese believed that when something has suffered damage and has a history, once fixed it will look more gorgeous, and be more precious than before it was fractured.

Collectors developed such a love for Kintsugi that some were accused of deliberately breaking prized ceramics so that they could be mended and enhanced with this distinctive Japanese technique.

Whether life thrusts something difficult at us, or we choose to try something challenging and scary, we get stronger. We learn, grow and take away a revelation from each experience no matter the outcome. We are forever changed.

Are you becoming stronger and more beautiful as you fill in your seams with the gold of your life experiences?

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

 

When you look in the mirror, do you feel beautiful? Confident? Powerful? Sexy?

Yeah, I know, that's a tough one. We all have our body bugaboos.

We are surrounded by uber-images of youthful beauty in a world of unrealistic beauty standards. With age comes wisdom, or at least a reality check and I'm learning that you'll never start feeling great about yourself and learn to love all the imperfections that make you, YOU until you stop comparing yourself to not only others but your younger self too.

In my twenty plus years as a fashion therapist I have come to know a lot about women from the other side of the dressing room door. It was no surprise to me that most women felt insecure about their body, but what did surprise me is that their negative body image often had little to do with their actual body. What they felt about their body was not what the outside world saw. No matter what size they wore there was always something about their body they didn't like. Countless women declared themselves too fat or too thin and obsessed about various body parts such as the size of their hips, their rounded stomach, the thickness of their ankles and the woes of other assorted wobbly bits. What they were really worried about is the fact that they didn't fit into the so-called societal norm which has no basis in reality.

It was easy for me to look at my clients objectively and help them put on clothes that enhanced and expressed them as beautiful, interesting and capable women. Why couldn't they see the person in the mirror that I did?

Yet, when I look in the mirror I am no different. I struggle with the same demons of negative self-talk and the advances of aging complicates things even more. When I look in the mirror I try and see myself with the same acceptance that I saw my clients with. I have good days and some not so good days. Deep down I know that those who love me, don't love me any less or any more depending on the numbers on the scale or the shape of my body.The only person that withholds love from me is ME.

Like most people, every year in January I evaluate my life. In reflection on the past year I am proud of what I have accomplished and excited about the direction my life is taking. My body still nags me. I know I can't completely fix it because frankly I'm not willing to put in the time and energy required to do that much work. That doesn't mean I'm giving up, I want to be healthy.  I also know my level of being physical isn't going to beat my body into submission.

I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling inadequate. I don't need to wait until I lose some weight or tone up more before I buy new clothes, try new things and live my life for today.

I know that sometimes my insecurities hold me back so I think it's time to just accept my body as it is right now and be happy in my own skin. I'm ready to quit putting my life on hold. 

Fashion 911 Tip: The Perfect Lipstick

C'mon just how many lipsticks have you bought in search of that perfect shade?

Cosmetic companies may show the trend to dark colours in their collections however few of us can make them work anymore. There is nothing more aging than dark lipstick. Purge your lipstick collection of those reds, dark browns and deep plums that you once wore. They make your lips look thinner and dark colors have a way of magnifying lip lines when they bleed.

Think pink. It's the perfect lip color for all mature women, no matter what your skin tone. The right pink lightens up the mouth and gives your face a luminous glow which compensates for the loss of glow in our complexions.

Texture counts too. The most flattering is a creamy, velvety lipstick that will smooth over your lip easily. Don't be afraid to use a lip gloss to shine it up even a bit more. While long lasting formulas have improved over the years, generally they are still too drying. Matt and opaque lipstick have no light reflecting shine and give a woman with mature skin a deadly look.

The older you get the more important it is to switch to a glossy pink lipstick and a lip liner in a neutral, forgiving color that is only slightly darker than your lips. It's a fast and effortless way to look wonderful, not weary.

Get Your Style Groove Back

 

Have you ever seen a mannequin display with a great looking outfit and thought to yourself "That's pretty, but I can't wear that, I'm too old for it." Or, flipped through the pages of a magazine and decided that the looks they are showing are not for you because they look too foreign to anything you currently have.Take a look at your closet. Are you stuck in a serious style rut? Do you have more and more of the same kind of clothes? Boring.

It's time to get more adventurous and get your style groove back. Contrary to popular belief, the biggest mistake mature women make isn't dressing too young, it's dressing too old. You have probably noticed other women your age who look great in the new trend? How are they wearing it? What are they wearing it with? Chances are they are wearing it with confidence because that's the biggest secret to style.

Updating your wardrobe can be like updating a room - sometimes once you start the renovation you realize you love the new look but now it makes the rest look dated and you need some other things to pull it all together.

Your initial instincts might be right - but they could just as easily be wrong and you won't know until you try it on. Don't evaluate the look based on one garment. Perhaps that same look by a different designer will fit you better, or has detailing that you like better. You might just end up saying "Yup, I can wear that."

If you do buy something that is out of your safety zone and you are still not sure how you feel about it, take it home and try it out. If you don't love it, don't keep it. Most stores have excellent return policies.

Have fun. Play dress-up. Don't be afraid to make mistakes - be afraid not to. 

Generation to Generation

 
Some say that 50 is the new 30 and 60 the new 40. When my shoulder is complaining and my feet are sore, I beg to differ.

It is true that women in my grandmothers generation got old, faster. Life wore them down and they didn't have the support system and resources that we enjoy today readily available to them.

My grandmother went through her life with spirit and style despite the fact that she never had much money, very difficult circumstances and few opportunities. 

She was always optimistic.

 At an age much younger than I (she was in her mid forties in this photograph) she wore prim and proper clothing and very sensible shoes; which of course was the expected attire of a well-dressed woman in her time. At the end of every day she would wash her face, apply Noxema from an economy sized jar (she had soft and beautiful skin) and then take out her teeth and put them in the glass on her bedside table before she went to sleep.

She had both substance and style and taught me many valuable life lessons by providing a living example.  My Grandma was one of the extra-ordinary, ordinary women who always stayed true to herself and wore even the most difficult of her life experiences well. She was a survivor.

With her quiet confidence she gifted me with the knowing that good and great things are possible despite our circumstances, and it's up to each and every one of us to make the best life we can with what we have.

Today, we are the best looking batch of women in history with an incredible amount of opportunity awaiting us. It's also true that by this age we have had some of those oh-so-unpleasant and totally unexpected and unwelcome life experiences try to suck the life-breath out of us. We too are survivors.

Thankfully, many things have changed over the years. We live in a time where we can connect easily with people and places, clothing styles are more flattering and we can see a doctor and dentist on a regular basis. We probably spend a bit more on face cream too. 

One thing will never change. Life throws us challenges. How we deal with them is up to us. I intend to wear my life well.

Resolution 2011: Get My Groove Back

RANT by Michelle Cederberg

Most of us set goals for some kind of life tune-up every year and our New Year's resolutions rarely stick. It is estimated that 23% of us break them within a week and 45% by the end of the month.

Isn't it finally time for your midlife makeover? Do you want to recharge yourself, reinvigorate your sexy-mojo and revive your look?

Why is it so hard to commit to taking good care of YOU? Truth is unless we surround ourselves with people who will give us the support, strategies and encouragement we need it's hard to stay motivated. So I've called in the reinforcements (experts who want the best for you and want to keep you on track) for a one day event that will help you get more spirit, sass and style in your life. We will help you make 2011 the year you become your most confident self.

Michelle Cederberg www.michellecederberg.com is the guilt-free, get-to-it-guru of spirit and Dr. Trina Read www.trinaread.com will help you re-claim your sexy-mojo and I'll www.heleneoseen.com help you make friends with fashion. The day also includes lunch and a wine tasting with Wine Girl, sommelier Erin Rosar www.wgwines.com to wrap things up.  

Join us on February 5th, 2011 in Calgary at the Fairmont Palliser Hotel. Shake off those January blues and join us for a booster shot of inspiration. Visit www.midlifemakeoverevent.ca for all the details and to register.

What are you waiting for?

Daydreaming

 
Often my mind races, as does my mouth. At those times my husband gently reminds me that it would be nice to have some kind of transition statement before I change topics so that he can open the appropriate file folder in his brain and keep up with the conversation.

So, you can imagine why, yesterday, when he walked into the room and found me sitting on the couch, spaced out, staring out the window he asked me if everything was alright. It was. He also wondered what I was thinking about.

Hmm...good questions.

Perhaps my brain was wandering simply because it could, during a rather mundane day at the end of a week of down time. After all, it's hard-wired into our brains that the end of the year should be a time of reflection. Truthfully, I was bored and instead of turning on the television or read another book I chose to stay inside my own head instead.  My thoughts were un-intended and unrelated to anything and mostly flitting from one thing to the next. I wasn't analyzing, strategizing, setting goals, or figuring out my feelings and my mind was completely relaxed.

Most of the time my mind is engaged in goal-directed thought, which also includes many failed attempts at meditation. I can't seem to quiet my mind on demand as I think about not thinking.

When my daughter was in school I was once told at a Parent/Teacher interview that she was a good student but I should discourage her from daydreaming. It was seen as a behavioural disorder and she might become too absorbed in her own world and out of touch with reality. Nonsense.

While daydreaming is often seen as a lazy, non-productive pastime, there are many examples in recent studies of how it enhances creativity and improves thinking. Nowadays it is understood that it has the same effect as meditation, visualization or guided imagery, which are not only socially acceptable but also encouraged in the pursuit of success.

I know when I am daydreaming my brain is mulling over, processing and making sense of things in my life at a sub-conscious level. I am not even aware of what is going on as random thoughts, images and feelings make themselves known to me.  Suddenly (sometimes even days later) when I least expect it, into my head pops a new idea, or a solution to something.

Is daydreaming a pointless distraction? I think not. I get ideas when I daydream.

Everything starts as someones daydream.

New Year's Eve-olution

 

I can't party like I used to...

When I was in my 20's and 30's it used to be all about ringing in the New Year with style. You know, wearing a fabulous show-stopping dress, glittery-glamorous makeup and sexy high heels to a super-sized and overpriced event. I would sip champagne out of tall flutes, eat catered canapes, kiss people I barely knew and dance the night away, well into the wee hours of the morning.

By the time I was in my 40's I was more likely to mark the occasion by attending a private house party where friends would gather. This was much more intimate and we could connect in a casual, fun environment and wear relaxed, festive attire. We all brought munchies or a contribution to a pot luck. The evening entertainment, if there was any other than schmoozing was often party games.The countdown to midnight was followed by heartfelt hugs and kisses and the celebration started to wind down shortly after that.

Now in my mid 50's I cherish this night for the very private experience it has become for us; reflecting on the past year and anticipating the potential and possibilities the new year holds. Now, the night begins with an epicurean adventure (we are serious foodies) and some good wine with candle light and soft music in our home. The after-dinner dress code is pajamas and the entertainment is watching a movie, curled up on the couch in front of the fire. And, I probably won't stay up long enough to watch the ball drop on TV, but I will give my husband a kiss good-night.  

It doesn't get much better than this - unless next New Year's Eve we are on a Cruise in lovely warm waters somewhere in the South Pacific and ti-ki torches replace the fireplace.

I don't want to party like I used to.

However and wherever you are celebrating, Happy New Year 2011.

Fashion 911 Tip: Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Whether decorated with sparkly dancing snowmen, penguins wearing scarves on skis, a glowing yule log on the fire or even Santa flying his reindeer in a snowstorm, the ugly Christmas sweater season is upon us.

What's old is new again. That is, only if you didn't live through the trend many years ago when people actually wore them to their holiday soirees. So, if you still have this type of cheesy holiday attire lurking in the back of your closet, re-cycle but don't re-use. Younger trendoids and fashionistas are in pursuit of these garish garments to wear to the hottest trend in holiday parties. Yes, you guessed it - the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.

Don't YOU even think about wearing this gastly garb again. You'll scare the ghosts of Christmas past.

Letter to Santa

 

Dear Santa,

My granddaughter Zoe believes what we tell her. In her almost three-year-old brain that is the best solution for making sense of the world. Everything we say and do influences her. She knows we think she is special and we love her a lot. She loves herself too.

Today you made her feel special. She was very happy that you told her she is on the 'good girl' list. She felt proud of herself for that accomplishment.

I know that over the years the world will not always be kind to her. Life will throw distractions and obstacles and her belief in herself will be damaged by someone or something.

Santa, I suspect that baseball bat she asked you for will be under the tree. And, it occurs to me that the best gift I can give her, not only at Christmas, but every day of the year and every year of her life, is to make her feel safe and cherished, and to encourage her to always respect and love herself. 

Then, whether the world is being naughty or nice, she will know that I believe in her. And, even more important SHE will believe in herself.