Wear Your Life Well

The Power of Words

Whether within our own thoughts, spoken or written there are many ways to say the same thing. Words can transform the world we live in - and our world within.

The words we speak are more than just a grouping of alphabet characters used to simply express how we feel. Words evoke emotion and can actually affect feeling. They can help, heal, inspire or encourage. Or they can hurt and harm.

Think about the words you use to talk to yourself and others. Choose them carefully and most important of all - lovingly.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

 

When you look in the mirror, do you feel beautiful? Confident? Powerful? Sexy?

Yeah, I know, that's a tough one. We all have our body bugaboos.

We are surrounded by uber-images of youthful beauty in a world of unrealistic beauty standards. With age comes wisdom, or at least a reality check and I'm learning that you'll never start feeling great about yourself and learn to love all the imperfections that make you, YOU until you stop comparing yourself to not only others but your younger self too.

In my twenty plus years as a fashion therapist I have come to know a lot about women from the other side of the dressing room door. It was no surprise to me that most women felt insecure about their body, but what did surprise me is that their negative body image often had little to do with their actual body. What they felt about their body was not what the outside world saw. No matter what size they wore there was always something about their body they didn't like. Countless women declared themselves too fat or too thin and obsessed about various body parts such as the size of their hips, their rounded stomach, the thickness of their ankles and the woes of other assorted wobbly bits. What they were really worried about is the fact that they didn't fit into the so-called societal norm which has no basis in reality.

It was easy for me to look at my clients objectively and help them put on clothes that enhanced and expressed them as beautiful, interesting and capable women. Why couldn't they see the person in the mirror that I did?

Yet, when I look in the mirror I am no different. I struggle with the same demons of negative self-talk and the advances of aging complicates things even more. When I look in the mirror I try and see myself with the same acceptance that I saw my clients with. I have good days and some not so good days. Deep down I know that those who love me, don't love me any less or any more depending on the numbers on the scale or the shape of my body.The only person that withholds love from me is ME.

Like most people, every year in January I evaluate my life. In reflection on the past year I am proud of what I have accomplished and excited about the direction my life is taking. My body still nags me. I know I can't completely fix it because frankly I'm not willing to put in the time and energy required to do that much work. That doesn't mean I'm giving up, I want to be healthy.  I also know my level of being physical isn't going to beat my body into submission.

I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling inadequate. I don't need to wait until I lose some weight or tone up more before I buy new clothes, try new things and live my life for today.

I know that sometimes my insecurities hold me back so I think it's time to just accept my body as it is right now and be happy in my own skin. I'm ready to quit putting my life on hold. 

Letter to Santa

 

Dear Santa,

My granddaughter Zoe believes what we tell her. In her almost three-year-old brain that is the best solution for making sense of the world. Everything we say and do influences her. She knows we think she is special and we love her a lot. She loves herself too.

Today you made her feel special. She was very happy that you told her she is on the 'good girl' list. She felt proud of herself for that accomplishment.

I know that over the years the world will not always be kind to her. Life will throw distractions and obstacles and her belief in herself will be damaged by someone or something.

Santa, I suspect that baseball bat she asked you for will be under the tree. And, it occurs to me that the best gift I can give her, not only at Christmas, but every day of the year and every year of her life, is to make her feel safe and cherished, and to encourage her to always respect and love herself. 

Then, whether the world is being naughty or nice, she will know that I believe in her. And, even more important SHE will believe in herself.

The Invisible Woman

The Invisible Woman is a fictional character, a Marvel Comics super heroine and the soul of the Fantastic Four. She plays a vital role in the lives of her family, her husband, her children and her friends. She has the ability to project powerful fields of energy and render herself invisible.

There is a phenomenon in our society called the Invisible Age which sees and values younger women for their beauty and energy and older women for their wisdom and character. But, in the eyes of a youth-fixated culture a woman who is no longer young is afraid to age and to be vulnerable to growing older for fear of becoming unimportant and unnoticed. All of this comes at a time when there are not only physical changes but also hormonal and emotional ones. It's no wonder we struggle to redefine ourselves during this time of transition. 

We are only invisible if we choose to be. We can allow society to perceive us as one dimensional women: middle-aged, middle-class and middle-of-the-road. Or, we can claim our power, our spirit, sass and style and become a heroine by refusing to let a myth limit our perception of ourselves.  

We can't control what society believes about us. We can control what we believe about ourselves. Ultimately that will change what society believes. 

We are all extra-ordinary, ordinary women with the power to define our destiny and create an age of new beginnings where the fruits of our longevity are valued and we become more comfortable with who we are.

Let's ensure that The Visible Woman is not a fictional character, instead a real-life genuine super heroine.

Let's teach our younger generation to grow up to become their own heroine. Meet Super Zoester.

 
 

Self Talk

 

I hear voices. I'm sure that a shrink would have a fancy-schmancy name for that, but in fact those voices are my own, inside my head.

Sometimes I say things to myself that I would never ever consider saying to someone I don't like. That voice nags me and would have me believe that I'm inadequate, not good enough and not deserving.

When my other voice interrupts, she tells me that I am a good person who works hard, and deserves to have a great life. Deep in my heart, I know she is right. I'm a glass-half-full kind of person, yet, sometimes getting that nasty voice to shut up and go away isn't easy.

How do I do it? She is silenced when I feel satisfied with my life, when I choose to live my life with both meaning and pleasure. Sometimes, it is something as simple as pursuing a passion that helps me relax and makes me happy.

For me, gardening really is cheaper than therapy, but when our Canadian climate doesn't co-operate with my needs, I find other creative and worthwhile things do to that will engage my mind and soul.

So what am I doing now? Working on a program I initiated last winter; gathering up new pajamas for children in need who are temporarily living in local shelters, group homes or temporary housing. Visit www.thepajamaprogram.com

Beautiful Woman's Month

 

Boost another woman's self-esteem. Tell her she is beautiful, no matter how old she is because we are all still girls at heart.